trying to date

I planned a date for me and my hubby.  It's something we rarely do.  Life is busy.  We have no money.  He works nights.  For some reason I think he should plan them.  It all boils down to... we don't.  So, I made the effort.  Found us a free concert, courtesy of our Thanksgiving Point membership (thanks Gma!).  And told Beorn he was taking me to the symphony at the gardens. Saved some money for us to get some take-out.

Of course, like many well-laid plans, things didn't exactly work out.  It rained most of the week and even most of that day.  It was cold and wet.  We got wet just getting our food.  And it was sunny just a mile up the road (crazy spring rains)!  But given the cold, the wet and the unpredictability of the whole thing, they relocated the concert to an actual building.  That meant limited seating and a big crowd.  Just the thought of it set off Beorn's anxiety.  So we walked a bit of the gardens and took a few pictures... but the whole thing was pretty much a dud and we headed home.  So much for my idea of long walks together and snuggling on the grass, listening to great music, like we did on one of our first "real" dates.  We couldn't even just do the long walking part.  It's one of the sad realities of life dealing with anxiety and depression... once he's feeling off, it's pretty much over.  He just wants to go home, curl up and sleep it off.  He basically shuts down - won't talk much (unless pushed) and tends to get very short-tempered (so pushing doesn't end well).  Sometimes he tries to ignore it or push through it, but, at best he acts weird, at worst, he can be mean.  So really, it's probably better for everyone if he does just sleep it off.  But when so many things can trigger it - crowds, church, calendaring, cleaning, stress, etc... it means a lot of time in bed for him... and a lot of - just me taking care of things.  It is lonely, frustrating, overwhelming and scary.

I hate it.

 We did get to see a little of the gardens before we realized the concert had been relocated.

There was even a family of owls living on the ledge above the waterfall.

And I finally got to see the "original" gardens by the main building, as we took the long way back to the car after deciding the new concert venue wouldn't work for Beorn.  There's a reason so many people take their bridal pictures here... it's very lovely!