Sans sugar

...or what it took to kick my sugar addiction.

Like most Americans, I am addicted to refined sugar.  I have been a self-proclaimed "junk food junkie" my whole life.  I could down a big box of milk duds in one sitting (not the theatre size - the bigger box, the biggest one they make), go through cookies in record time or make obscenely short work of a carton of ice cream (at least one large bowl a day, when I was pregnant).  I whole heartedly declared "life without ice cream would be darkness and chaos" (it's my tagline on facebook).  I couldn't go a day without chocolate, candy, ice cream, oreos, m&m's, etc.  I had a not-so-secret secret stash in my bedroom.  I was even known to eat a bag of marshmallows when I just needed some sugar and that was all that was available.  When I was sad, depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, happy, enjoying a good book or rewarding myself, I'd have some junk food.  On the plus side, it never made me gain tons of weight, but I knew it wasn't good for my body, so I would try to get it "under control" on occasion.  I was never successful.  Sure, I could cut back a little by just not buying the stuff, but if I cut back too much then crazy things like braking out a bag of marshmallows would result.  And trying to go "cold turkey" only succeeded in giving me a terrible withdrawal headache that pain meds couldn't make go away (oh, but that milkyway sure did!).  I had pretty much called it a draw. I'd try to keep things "under control".  I wouldn't buy the things I really struggled limiting myself on (oh, those milk duds), try to be "picky" (eating good quality junk, not cheap junk) so the calories from the junk I did eat were worth it and just be extremely grateful I'd been blessed with a metabolism that allowed me to eat all those empty calories and not gain weight.

Then, enter my car accident.  And my concussion headache.

At first, I noticed that the headache was localized.  Then as my brain healed, I noticed the headache was worse (or would come back) when I was stressed.  Or when I didn't get enough sleep for too many days.  I figured that, like my Epstein Barr symptoms, it was one more way for my body to communicate with me and for me to learn my limits (and to take better care of myself) while my brain healed.  But as the months passed I began to question why it was still happening.  Shouldn't my brain have healed from such a mild concussion?  The EMT had only mentioned it in passing, telling me I should take it easy for a little while, since all the literature now said concussion was the big problem, not whiplash, in car accidents.  After months and months, shouldn't I be back to "normal"?  So, I made it an issue of prayer.  I already knew I needed to do a better job of getting enough rest, getting to bed early.  So, it wasn't a surprise when I felt impressed to get more sleep.  What I wasn't expecting was the very strong "you can't eat sugar" feeling.

Cue the screaming.

But I knew I needed to do it, so I did.  Not in a "cold turkey" sort of way... more of a "counting calories" way, only I didn't give myself a "daily allowance" of refined sugar.  I just started reading labels and letting the reported sugar content help me decide whether or not to eat something.  Some things, like soda, candy bars, were easy.  You don't have to read a label to know they have crazy amounts of sugar.  But reading labels helped me pick my junk food "replacements".  For a few weeks I let myself have as many Sun Chips as I wanted.  I found a high quality dark chocolate with only 5 grams per serving and let myself have a piece or two a day (less than a serving).  I'd save my sugar-eating for things that were "worth it" and special, like an ice cream sandwich from my grandma or a couple of my homemade snickerdoodles.  The longer I went on this low-sugar diet, the more I could taste things, discern things.  I found I enjoyed foods more.  Fruit tasted so delicious, flavorful and sweet.  Italian was better than ever.  I savored the flavors of my food, instead of subconsciously craving that sugar kick and having everything else pale by comparison.  I could taste excellence.  Now a little bite of cookie at an activity was enough to tell me it wasn't "good enough" to justify the sugar and I'd leave the rest untouched.  I could taste the subtle differences between brands of equally dark chocolate (like a wine tester... floral overtones, and all that).

And it helped.  My brain felt better.  And when I'd slip up, or overdo it on my "worth it" foods, I'd feel it the next day when that spot would hurt a little.  Not quite a controlled study, but enough correlation to sell me on it. 

Now, months later, I've been low sugar long enough that I can clearly feel the rush and buzz from eating refined sugar.  It feels a lot like caffeine does to me (I've been a no-caffeine girl for decades, so I really feel it).  My head will buzz, my heart race, my limbs feel shaky.  Not pleasant.  I don't like it.  And that little bit of treat just doesn't seem worth it.  (Yes, that banana creamy I had last Monday might be my last.)

And, like every choice we make, cutting out refined sugar has had unintended consequences.  Besides changing/improving my taste for food, I've lost weight.  At least I think I have...  you see, I never really got on the scale.  We didn't have one and I didn't care what the numbers were anyway.  I was happy with how I looked and felt, so it didn't matter.  So, I don't have any way to tell if or how much I've lost.... but I've had people ask me about it, ask me if I've been losing weight.  So I figure I must look a little different.  And my clothes definitely fit differently.  I struggle to find pants that fit my figure, so most of them have been baggy at the waist.  But not THIS baggy....

Here's me last dressed to run last August:

And here I am last week:

Just a little bit trimmer.... and not due to exercise.  (I'm really not doing good on the running, but that's for another post.)  Not sure if we can attribute it to a reduced calorie intake, as I'm letting myself eat anything I want (well, except for the sugar stuff) and I'm usually doing seconds.  But it looks like cutting sugar did do something....

Weight wasn't at all a part of why I cut out sugar.  And I can honestly say it doesn't even make me secretly happy to have lost some weight/inches.  I am just happy that I feel better and that I'm treating my body better.

And so, all I can say now is...

life without ice cream

is actually ok

and even more bee-whispering...

So this evening, Nini was out doing her normal petting of the bees when this one literally jumped onto her finger and sat there and sat there and sat there.  Finally, I ran for the camera.  I clicked one pic from the porch and away it flew.

Bollywood

I had a book club friend introduce me to Bollywood films several years ago.  I have found I enjoy the culture, the costumes, the music, the dance numbers, the cheesy story lines, the fabulous acting...  They are just a lot of fun.  I've watched enough films that now my Netflix feed is almost entirely Bollywood, as the program thinks that's all I want to watch.

A month or so ago I had another friend post a link on Facebook for a Bollywood themed dance party.  Between the theme and the chance to hang out with this friend (if you crank the data, we should be best friends, but we just seem to struggle to get our lives to line up), of course I wanted to go.  I cleared it with the hubby and spent some time browsing saris on Amazon, looking for just the right one.  With some advise from Beorn and Monkey, I found the perfect one for only $25!  It has kind of a Victorian, earth goddess feel.  I really like it!  I had to sew the top myself, out of fabric they sent.  I threw it together in about an hour, unlined, Velcro... definitely a costume quality piece, but it will work.

Here's me, in all my ethnic glory...

My friend didn't end up coming with me.  Her grandmother passed away and she had to be out of state for the funeral  (see what I mean about our lives just never letting us get together....).  So, I went to a dance party all by myself.  I had people there tell me I was brave to come alone, but I had the ticket and the costume, how could I not go.  I talked to people and was friendly and got to know some nice ladies.  I tried yummy food, saw some great performers, got some pretty henna on my hand, a free athletic shirt and learned firsthand I don't like lipsense products.  I danced and enjoyed the amazing Indian music.  It was a good time, albeit not the fabulous time it would have been with a friend.

Here's proof I was there.  The Krishna temple is beautiful.

meet piccolo

I have wanted to own a canary for a long, long time.  But as I said a long, long time ago, a $150 bird just isn't in the budget.  Ok, well maybe they're only $100.... but still way out of the pet budget.

But it's funny how life goes.  Along with all the problems, trial and difficulties, there are plenty of small (and large) mercies that come our way.

Like a neighbor asking me if I'd like her canary.  She's feeling overwhelmed and would like to take at least one thing off her plate.  And thus I find myself with a bird, cage, food, dishes, etc... for free.

Here's Piccolo. The newest member of the menagerie.

Yes, he does sing.  And yes, it is beautiful.  At first he was living in Nini's room, but she did not like his habit of throwing seed.  So he's now with me, but can't live with the parakeets.  That means two bird cages in my room.  Yes, it looks rather like a zoo.  Which leads to another update....

We're trying life without kitty purgatory.

Lucy spent weeks and weeks in there, with all of the eye drama, and Arwen had to be out.  She did ok.  Now that Lucy has graduated to freedom, I'm hoping Arwen can handle the crate being gone.

Wish us luck.

Current Kitchen

I started an "update" of the kitchen over a year ago.  Started, but then hurt my ankle and ran into logistical and other issues.  So, my kitchen sat in that awful state for way too long.

But after a year, a friend took pity on my plight and helped Beorn get the ceiling sheetrock patched and wire a light over the sink.  Once that was done I could texture and paint the ceiling and get the whole thing moving again. 

The new light over the sink was a reStore find.  I was patient on this one (and that's a risk when dealing second-hand) and managed to get the fixture I wanted when it went on sale.  They even let me switch out the glass for something smaller, so I still got the great metal base I wanted.

After the ceiling, I painted the walls.  I went back to the original yellow I had picked out while waiting to get the house, the one I gave up on since it didn't look great with the cream countertops.  Then I layered the old (paler) yellow on top with a sponge.  The result is rather Tuscan.  I really love the color and the texture of it.  And you know me... not swayed by trendy.  So my kitchen redo is going even more YELLOW, instead of white, like the rest of the world.

During all the waiting I found some great chairs for $10 at DI.  They were metal and had lines that would really match the kitchen.  So, home they came.  Having pretty chairs got me thinking about the kitchen bench and whether it was the best fit for the kitchen.  One benefit of such a long delay in the remodel was lots of time to think about things before we did them.  We even took several weeks to try and live without the bench before we sold it.

While looking for fabric to redo the seats, I found my perfect kitchen fabric.  Botanical theme with cream (like the counters), yellow (like the walls), blue (like my china) and green (like my glass).  All my colors wrapped into one!   I splurged and bought enough to do curtains as well.

In the big window, I made a simple valence and restrung (with a few new beads) the bead chains.  This time I used something flexible, so they would hang straight.

Once the ceiling and walls were painted, I took some trim from the reStore and had Beorn help me with the window problem.  I hinted ages ago that I had found the solution to windows that aren't level... it was to build another (long) plate rack over the two windows.  I also inherited a giant 8 foot level just in time to help get it up there.  We found just the right balance of level-and-crooked so my not-so-level house looks right.  I painted in the gap between the window trim and the shelf.  You have to really look to see it.

I found the perfect brackets to hold up the shelf.  They have curves, like the rest of the kitchen, that are just right to hold the curtain rods.

I think the plate shelf might be my favorite part of the kitchen.

I also have started refinishing the cabinet doors.  I like the dark brown wood, but they are old and worn and look it, in a not good way. 

So, last weekend I started the process of sanding and staining and replacing hardware (another reStore find).  Only the upper cabinets by the fridge are done, but they're looking good.

I'm not close to finished... there's still the backsplash around the sink to take down, then painting that side of the kitchen, finishing the cabinets, building the perfect table (the tiny table is an experiment, it's not staying), eventually replacing the tiles behind the stove, the floor and the counters, etc.  But things are moving again!  I'm hoping to get a lot done this summer, as I found out the hard way that things are too busy during the school year with me working.

But it is getting done...

Before:

After:

two for one

Two teeth.  Same night.  Had mom pull them both before she would go to bed.

some blessings come early

I have blogged several times about my living room library.  I've mentioned my sofa.  I loved it, but five cats, four kids and a decade had taken their toll on the poor thing.  It was severely cat scratched, stained, worn and faded.  I dreamed of getting a new couch, but had pretty much decided it would wait until some/all of the cats had died.  I couldn't stand the thought of getting something nice and having them scratch it up again.

Then one day, while at DI for some little thing, Beorn called my attention to a cart as it was being rolled out of the back room.  On it were two amazing Victorian styled chairs, in a color that was meant for my living room.  I immediately followed behind, wanting to get a look at them... and KNOWING that I couldn't get them.  There was NO way they'd be priced at anything I could possibly justify.  The workers put them on the floor and I flipped over the tag.  $25.  I couldn't believe it.  I checked the other chair.  $25.  Technically, I did need a new chair (my rocker had died again after being repaired more than once, so we were just using the ottoman in that corner), so I called Beorn over.  We talked and contemplated.  Should we buy them, or not?  Buy them and then sell them at a profit?  Keep one and sell the other?  I didn't dare move for fear someone else would snag them.  Finally we said we just had to get them and we'd figure it out at home.  I even mentioned in passing I could give up the sofa for them, but I was concerned about the reduced seating that would give us in the living room.  I figured we'd get them home, take some pictures and just flip them at a profit.  One of the store managers saw them on the cart headed to check out and looked at the price.  She was NOT happy they were going for so little.  Even at DI prices they should have been closer to $100 each.  We could definitely make some money on them.  We got them home and discussed their future.  Finally, it was decided we should keep them, as the chances of us ever being able to find (or afford) furniture that nice was pretty slim.  So, the chairs made themselves at home in the only place they could fit... the sofa's spot.

The sofa was moved over by the piano while I contemplated.  I was surprised how much came up for me, emotionally, just moving the sofa and putting another piece of furniture in its place.  Finally I decided I had to rehome the sofa.  I listed it for free on a facebook yard sale group.  They lady who finally came to get it hugged me at the door and thanked me profusely.  I told her some of it's history and she was even more excited.  She had no plan to fix it up.  She loved furniture with history.  It was going into the sitting area of her bedroom.  She asked me to message her with all the stories about the sofa so she could have them.  She came back later with her husband and a big, nice truck and took my baby away.  At least that was what it suddenly felt like.  I had to push back tears, anxiety and regret.

It's amazing how attached you can get to a piece of furniture.  I know it was more about all the blessings and experiences it represented and I console myself with the fact that I still have those.

So, here is the before:

And the after:

They really are amazing chairs with beautiful details.

They fit the room very well and opened up the space (they take up less total length than the sofa did, even with the table in between them).

My biggest fear with having these chairs now (instead of later) is what the cats could do to them.  I invested in some cat-scratch deterrent spray and use it consistently (we're on bottle #3).  I also took some of the extra fabric from the sofa and made a scratching area to attach to the wall by the bookcase.  It's the fabric they like, the height they liked and I spray it with catnip.  So far they scratch it and NOT the chairs.   But I really am paranoid they might start...