scouting adventure...

So, one Wednesday evening Bucket arrives home from scouts.  "How were the horses?"  I ask, knowing that they were working on their horsemanship merit badge that night.  "Fine," he answers, "except when I got kicked by a horse..."  What followed was kind of like playing 20 questions... me trying to get some kind of picture of what had actually happened... from my son who doesn't always have a clear view of the world.  In the end I felt pretty sure that he had indeed been kicked by a horse (I could see a scuff on his kneecap) and that they had given him some kind of herb for the swelling.  And all that had happened without ONE WORD from his leaders.  Bucket was obviously ok - at worse he'd be sore and bruised - but I couldn't believe the leaders hadn't called me.  And why weren't they more carefully watching my special needs son - the one they had called a third leader specifically to help with???  I mean, really.  If any of the boys was going to go behind a horse, after being told not to, it'd be Bucket.  So, carefully juggling to find the balance between angry momma bear, advocating for my child, being kind and showing mercy, I called the leaders and very calmly told them I was surprised and upset that they didn't call me or at least bring him to the door and talk to me when they dropped him off... and that they gave him a pill, even if it was just an herbal supplement, without checking with me first.  It's a legal nightmare... they don't know the boys' health history, what meds they're on... legally they can't give them anything. I really was very nice about it.  While still letting them know I didn't think they'd handled it well.  I also called the YM president and discussed it with him.

Here's a shot of the damages.  The next morning it was a little swollen and sore (just like I thought), but compared to what could have happened... let's just say everyone involved was being greatly blessed.  Truly a case of the "church's insurance program" in action.

I had already planned to have a "training meeting" with the leaders who work with Bucket (an idea I got from one of the moms at the autism group) and this just showed me how urgent the need was... I'd had a meeting with the YM president months and months ago, as well as several conversations with the Deacon's Quorum adviser, but it looks like instructions hadn't really trickled down like I thought they would.  So last Sunday I met with the two Deacon's quorum leaders (the adviser has recently moved), YM president, Teacher's Quorum adviser and the counselor in the bishopric who works with the Deacons.  We went over the history of Bucket's diagnosis and what autism looks like in his case (not to be compared with the other autistic boy in the ward).  I've often heard "well so-and-so can do it" and they expect the same from Bucket. Between that and his being "almost normal" sometimes I think people forget that he does have special needs... and the horse incident showed how dangerous that is. We discussed rigidity, hyper focus, how he gets mentally stuck (broken record), sensory issues, repetitive behaviors, processing speed, lack of coordination, his maturity level (he's several years behind), his wandering, how to be (a little more) certain he heard instructions, how to handle meltdowns, realistic expectations for Sunday behavior (after behaving appropriately before and while passing the sacrament he may need some time to curl up, wander, sit on the floor, etc during class... it's more important that he feel the spirit and feel loved by his leaders than "learn to sit straight in a chair" during church), how to use positive reinforcement... and just another reminder that he has to be watched a little more than the other boys (that's why they had called a third deacon leader to help with him, but with one moving a couple weeks ago, we're back down to two... I think this shows we REALLY do need that third adult to watch Bucket... because if any of the boys was going to be kicked by a horse - it was him).  They asked questions and ran ideas past me.  All of them said it was a very helpful meeting.  I plan on having another "training" in six months.  I want Bucket to be able to have as many "normal" scouting experiences as he can... so I need the leaders to really know what they're doing.